I am addicted to repetition. I like schedules. I simply feel better about life when five Mondays in a row all play out the same. If three whole weeks go by with a consistent plan, I feel like I am walking on sunshine (whooa-oh). However, the past three weeks has not been this way. I had Summer Madness, Urban Soul, and then a trip to Athens. All of this was good and enjoyable and God worked (I think), but I was drained, cranky, and surprisingly frustrated at being so far from home, family and friends from whom I gain support.
Thankfully, God is a firm foundation and He still wants to be my God. Otherwise, I would be a very... unagreeable person (although, this is still true at times...). I wish that I could say that God has given me a magical chariot ride through learning here on PRIME, but I don't feel that way. I wish I could say that my ministry has been so uplifting and that I have seen God change lives... but I haven't. In fact, my ministry has sent me home disheartened and irritable at times. But God is still my firm foundation, and of this I am more and more convinced everyday. Not in a magical way or in a show-off way, but simply in a way that is grounded in the fact that although situations here can appear dark, gloomy, and unstable at times, God has not changed.
I find myself wondering often about how we challenge youth. Are we even challenging them? I am reading a book for PRIME, called Practicing Passion, and although it was a very rough start to a book, I am now finding it very challenging. Why are we leaving our youth in the shallow end of the pool? Why do we wonder why youth are leaving when they become adults when we kept them in a faith meant for a 12 year old? Why do we settle for silly games, ice breakers, and semi-complicated teachings sessions when we have Communion, HONEST fellowship, and community repentance at our disposal?
Next rant, who am I? I am finding that the way many people define me here to be very different from the way people define me back home. This is slightly disturbing. I think that I have become that weird kid who doesn't have friends and is completely content to sit in his room, watching 30 Rock or read a book when he isn't working. Oh, and he cleans and cooks too. Who is that? Is that me? Why? When did this happen? Is that okay?
As you can see, I am ranting and raving and struggling and rejoicing and just plain old experiencing life. I am a dramatic person, so much of this is very over blown, but who wants to read about another PRIME that is going fantastic!? Not me.
Don't get me wrong, I am really enjoying myself here. I am honestly living my dream in many ways. But in many other ways, I am just living my life, ups, downs and lines to the coaster.
